2022.02.15 Journal

* Day seven of journaling about Anger/ Hate/ Aggression
* Social health – Figure out travel schedule for the next week and a half. Got a hotel for Nashville and figured out the dates I need to fly. Still need to book flights.
* Mental health – sign up for boxing gym next to my house. They were closed when I went to check it out. 

* Meditation – Day 708
* Journaling – Day 50
* Yoga – Day 50
* Cold shower – Day 23

reflections:: 4:55am Went to sleep fairly early last night- 9pm or so. Woke up around 3 or 3:30am, showered, did yoga, meditated, checked work emails, and am now journaling. I’m noticing that my eating is itself getting more mindful. Like when I eat something I wonder how I feel about what I’m eating and how it’s going to make me feel. And I notice whether I’ve been chewing it enough plus whether I’m enjoying it. That’s a pretty big shift from being completely unaware. I’d generally eat without thinking about how the food I’m eating tastes or how it will make me feel.

As I was meditating, I thought a bit about my relationship with anger and other emotions in general. I observed that my emotions are generally muted, because I put breaks on them. While some folks let themselves get carried away by their emotions, I intentionally dampen them. So something I could lean into more as I’m going through my emotions is to let myself feel and act them out more deeply. This is especially clear while thinking about anger and other feelings like love and affection. I keep these things muted and don’t let myself get to extremes. Even my smiles are a bit of a poker face. What happens when I give myself permission to express more fully and more deeply? That’s an important realization and next step for me – not just “feel” but also “express.” The expression likely creates a feedback loop that runs its course over time. But I’ll need to feel it for myself.

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