2022.02.20 Journal

* Day five of journaling about Pride/Scorn/Demanding
* Social health – Hang out with friends in person.
* Mental health – Be mindful about eating and exercise in a manner where I break a sweat for 30 minutes. Weigh myself

* Meditation – Day 713
* Journaling – Day 55
* Yoga – Day 55
* Cold shower – Day 28

reflections:: 9:37am. I weighed myself and was surprised to see that my weight was way lower than I thought it was. Back to the weight that I put a lot of effort into getting to when I reinvigorated my workout routines and diet consciousness over a year and a half ago. So that feels pretty excellent. I’m curious how that feeling of pride leads to feelings of scorn towards being a higher weight. And how it shifts to me having pride in being an even lower weight that is conducive to greater levels of vanity. And how that leads to scorn even for my present self. Self-pride leads to self-scorn which leads to being demanding of myself to have higher levels of discipline, single-mindedness, and accountability in the context of the particular goal that I’ve oriented around. And when that pride is a wider one – like on behalf of a company or a nation – these same feelings play out on that level as well. I feel a greater level of understanding around these feelings. And in general with these feelings, I’m starting to see how an expression of one feeling inevitably leads to a feeling and expression of another feeling. The cause-effect nature of these is quite interesting to me.

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