2022.01.24 Journal

* 30 minutes on the programming tutorial
* Day Six of journaling about Grief/Sadness/Regret & Depression
* Do something social
* Reread lesson 2 in the yoga book

* Meditation – Day 686
* Journaling – Day 29
* Yoga – Day 28

reflections:: 8:09am I woke up earlier again this AM, did my yoga/ meditation, and now am journaling. I noticed I was distracted this AM. And I noticed just now while journaling that since today was day 28 of daily yoga with myself as my instructor, that it was time to consider moving to the next lesson in the book. So I just read lesson 2. It’s now 8:45am. Time to go back to journaling about Grief/ Sadness/ Regret & Depression.

I found myself thinking about Regret and Depression a lot the past 24 hours. I’m starting to get a strong intellectual understanding that if you don’t let yourself feel sadness and really grieve, that you get in a state of regrets that can lead to depression. I think that realistically it will take me time to program myself to really feel the sadness when it presents itself though. I need to be in a sad situation, feel it, and then let myself feel it in the moment. And in the process of doing that, I need to allow myself to overcorrect and express my emotions too strongly. This will be a huge change-up for me, as my normal programming is to ignore sad things – to block them out – and to stay focused on some task at hand to the point where the emotion of sadness – or any emotion really – is a distraction.

To feel these emotions in the moment, I need to shift my prioritization of values.

If I were to value real-time processing of emotions, I need to create time to feel them. I just visualized myself pausing a company-wide meeting and saying, “I’m setting a timer for three minutes. Let’s see what happens if everyone can collectively allocate a little space and time to feel whatever emotions come up. Sadness, anger, guilt, joy, whatever. No need to change these emotions, just notice them. When the three minutes are up, we’ll take a collective breath, and continue with our meeting. We’ve got far to travel. We’ll get there faster, together, if we take a moment to acknowledge our human experience. Start now.” I think that’s a thing to do, which will increase my ability to feel and process grief and sadness. 9am.

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